Toddlers-what a special little bunch. So fun and active…so
excited about life…so damn bipolar it makes me want to beat myself with a blunt
object. They are moodier than a pregnant broad watching a Victoria’s Secret
commercial. One minute my little angel is giving hugs and kisses while gently
rubbing my hair, and the next minute I’m getting coldcocked by his mini right
hook. My poor face has taken a
beating for months! Most of the time there is a fair warning- he purses his
lips and angles his eyebrows downward with a sweet yet psychotic gleam in his
eye. I must say I’ve become an expert at the bob-and-weave. But other times he
blindsides me with a Thomas the Tank Engine to the side of my dome. I have
talked to other parents about toddler aggression, and apparently it is a “boy
thing.” What a crock! Are you telling me my sweet little boy is genetically
wired to beat the shit out of me? The pain, suffering, and stretching my body
went through to create a miniature menace is quite ironic.
But the abuse is not exclusively physical. I take quite an
emotional beating from this little guy, too. Let me set the scene…I have just
finished taking a 38 second shower (because that’s all the time I can afford to
leave my child alone, and even that is too much time). As I open the shower
door and reach for my towel, two big, brown, batting eyes greet me. I open my
mouth to say ‘hello’ to him, but he quickly cuts me off and screams
“Eeeeewwwwwwwwww!” while pointing and laughing at my naked body. I know, right?! What an ass. Does he not
understand how hard it is to find time to workout? Did he not see the new
NutriBullet on the counter?! I’ve been making juice! I just signed up for a ½
marathon, for God’s sake! Where’s the credit for that? But, he just pointed,
laughed, and then changed the subject to choo-choos, as if I would easily
transition to a new topic after being humiliated in my own bathroom. Too bad your choo-choos can’t pay my
therapy bill. Sometimes we will be snuggling on the couch together and he will
lift up my shirt and squeeze my gut while laughing. I GET IT. I need to lay off
the cookies. Thanks for the constant reminder, Jillian friggin Michaels.
I was so happy when my little monkey started talking. To
hear him say “Love you” is priceless. That is until the day you say, “Love you”
to him and he responds with, “NO!”
Really?...No? Like you have any idea how
much I love you, you sassy little thing. You will tell me you love me -and you
will like it!
It seems like only
yesterday I was holding my sweet, SILENT, stationary little boy. Now I have an
unpredictable toddler in my midst. If you are out there suffering in silence,
just know that you are not alone. I would really like to tell you that the
abuse will soon cease, but sister, that ain’t gonna happen. Bear down and
prepare to be lovingly abused for the next several years. And remember to bob-and-weave.
