Go the F#*K to Sleep

This post is coming from a dark, depressing corner of the world (both literally and figuratively)- yep, you guessed it- my screaming toddler's bedroom! The halls are filled with the sweet echoes of blood-curdling screams as we approach the always-exciting nightie-night time. It has been 56 minutes since the tantrum commenced, and I’m quite proud of myself for bearing the brunt of it without a single alcoholic beverage. If you have not already been exposed to the brilliant works of Adam Mansbach, here is a little taste for all of you poor bastards out there suffering through the relentless dictatorship of a toddler.

From Go the Fuck to Sleep, by Adam Mansbach:

The cats nestle close to their kittens,

The lambs have lain down with the sheep.

You’re cozy and warm in your bed, my dear.

Please go the fuck to sleep.

The windows are dark in the town, child.

The whales huddle down in the deep.

I’ll read you one very last book if you swear

You’ll go the fuck to sleep.

The eagles who soar through the sky are at rest

And the creatures who crawl, run, and creep.

I know you’re not thirsty. That’s bullshit. Stop lying.

Lie the fuck down, my darling, and sleep.

And that's a wrap people.

Wait...what's that sound? Is that silence?...Only by the grace of god...could it be true...?

My sweet boy is finally asleep. Goodnight baby boy. Mommy loves you.